How is it that i can be so JEALOUS of the one person
i want to spend the rest of my life with? How is it
I have this heart wrenching feeling of emptiness and
being alone because of this small aspect of my life?
I can't seem to keep it together.

i know where these feeling come from, that one is the
easy part to figure out...I'm jealous because he can get
help to get the things he wants, his parents help him
they can afford it...i feel empty and lonely b/c my family
can't help me. They can BARELY afford life as it is, and here
i am being selfish b/c i want nice things and can't have them.

I am just really bumming because i can't have nice things.
Also the fact that I am jobless does not help at all, and when
I do have a job all my money is gone to stupid things for him
and he says he will give it back but i don't really see that money